Niagara-on-the-Lake's carriage ride
© By Mike Keenan
During her Golden Jubilee, I watched the Queen leave Buckingham Palace, transported inside an ornate, gold carriage, waving to thousands of cheering Brits. However, it's a much different view from where I sit, perched beside Robert, my driver, facing the formidable rump of Jackie, a frisky, part Clydesdale mare, who transports tourists in a simpler coach. It's congested walking downtown in Niagara-on-the-Lake during tourist season which never seems to end. I decided on a clever change of pace. Our carriage was equipped with a hydraulic break and constructed from fiber glass by an Amish family in Indiana. Unlike Her Majesty's coach, used only once or twice per century, after 3-4 years of steady use, this cart will be sold. "Clip clop, clip clop," the sound of metal shoes from the 1600-pound horse transported me back in time. Jackie is regularly shoed, her considerable weight wearing out the metal every five weeks. There is no set commentary from the driver. "Some people aren't interested in history. St. Mark's church was built in 1805, the oldest building in town. They won't remember that, but they will remember it's the only building that survived the burning during the War of 1812, thanks to its stone base." Sometimes the questions are inane. A few ask directions to far-off locales such as Banff. (the same types who motor across the Peace Bridge in the summer, equipped with skis on their roof racks.) Comedians inquire, "Did you feed your horse beefarino?" relating to a Seinfeld program in which, Kramer's horse, Rusty, passes gas during the entire tour. Another popular question: "How do you people get your flowers to grow so well in this town?" 
Dressed formally with top hat, cravat, vested coat and black pants, Robert has command of detail and trivia. The rectory, built from 1820-30, is Italian villa style, featured in Steven King's 1983 movie, The Dead Zone starring Christopher Walken along with the picturesque gazebo adorning Queen's Royal Park. The gazebo featured a murder scene. Director, David Cronenburg, avoided the water, and filmed towards the park. Routes depend on time and horse speed. Jackie and Ebony are quicker than the other horses. The massive and powerful Clydesdales and Percherons are treated well. There is no food allowed on the street, but water supply is constant. "If horses are allowed treats, they get nippy," advised Robert. "They are fed before they come out and when they go back. Some locals are allowed to bring them apples. If the heat is bad, we don't go out." Robert has a cell phone handy in case of trouble. "Jackie loves to work; she has lots of energy." There are memorable buildings along the way such as artist, Campbell Scott's home, the five diamond rated Queens Landing Hotel where guests stay for $375 per night, Somerset B&B where actors, politicians and other notables pay $260-310 and the oldest golf course in North America (1875), constructed prior to titanium golf clubs and wimpy carts equipped with global positioning devices, which measure your next shot. Fortunately, the golf course was tastefully left intact with its basic narrow fairways and small greens. Jackie was well behaved. As we sauntered around town amidst traffic, a sudden, loud noise emitted from a truck backing up. She handled it well. Another activity that she handles well is filling the black leather diaper suspended at her rear. By the time we returned, it was packed with fresh, steaming manure, something Queen Elizabeth does not have to contend with during her infrequent excursions. Robert let me in on a secret. The fresh manure is placed in a box at the corner at their home base near The Prince of Wales Hotel. Astute local gardeners scoop up all of the bags by the end of each day and that's why the flowers grow so well in Niagara-on-the-Lake! 
Mike Keenan writes a weekly newspaper column for the St. Catharines Standard and has been published in the Globe & Mail, Buffalo Spree, Stitches, West of the City and Pulse Magazine. Mike is an award-winning poet and former President of the Canadian Authors Association, Niagara and Vice-President of the national body. He belongs to the North American Travel Journalist Association and the Travel Media Association of Canada. He is editor of the zines, What Travel Writers Say: www.whattravelwriterssay.com and Synapse Magazine: www.synapsemagazine.ca. Photo Credits Mike Keenan If you go Sentineal Carriages: http://www.sentinealcarriages.ca
What's happening, money, distance, time? Media Guide: http://www.abyznewslinks.com/ Currency conversion: http://www.xe.com/ucc/ Distance calculator: http://www.indo.com/distance/ Time zone converter: http://www.timezoneconverter.com/ Transportation, visas, health, maps and temperature Airlines (Wikipedia): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_airlines Embassies/Consulates (Embassy World): http://www.embassyworld.com/ Health precautions (WHO): http://www.who.int/ith/en/ Maps (Mapquest) U.S. & Canada: http://www.mapquest.com/maps/main.adp Maps (Mapquest) World: http://www.mapquest.com/maps/main.adp?country=GB Temperature (Temperature World): http://www.temperatureworld.com/ 
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World Politics at Shaw© By Mike Keenan
Tara Rosling, a terrific Saint Joan, presides this summer at the main stage at Shaw's Festival Theatre. Her small, lithe body, short cropped hair, boundless enthusiasm and fearless conviction render her a force to be reckoned with for both state and church to say nothing of the invading English army which she carves through like a scythe. The other combustive attribute that she has going for her in this potent mix is the fact that she hears voices from God. In today's world, we all know the danger and consequent potential damage that accompanies this phenomenon, whether it be George Bush acquiescing to the dictates of the military-industrial complex clothed in the velvet robes of the right wing fundamentalist Christian army or fanatical devotees of turbaned Islamic Imams who encourage martyrdom by offering phony promises of heaven, replete with countless virgins, as if one could reassemble the torn bits and pieces of flesh resulting from an explosion of one of their suicide bombs. Jackie Maxwell, Shaw's Artistic Director, knows all about religious fervor, unbridled nationalism and the manipulations of weak, impoverished souls. She's from Northern Ireland whose history is a primer on sectarian terrorism in the form of a wicked ménage a trois involving anxious British troops set amidst bitter Catholics and Protestants. From the start, one realizes that Joan is doomed as surely as Pontius Pilot knew that Christ would eventually be purged. Those who hear voices, aside from people who skip their meds, are a dangerous lot. How many creeds have evolved from these clairvoyants who channel God? How many TV and radio programs? When one claims to speak directly to God like Benny Hinn, apparently the need to apply logic to any decision is no longer necessary; the need to rationalize destruction, drop bombs, poison and execute is a waste of time, left for jurists at the ICJ to ponder long after the fact as forensic pathologists dig up the dead, assemble their skulls and bones to try to piece together a cogent case for genocide. Norman Browning plays the worldly savvy Archbishop of Reims, annoyed at Joan's interference in matters ecclesiastical and the impertinence to crown the Dauphin in his Cathedral. Ben Carlson, the Bishop of Beauvais, determined that Joan receive a fair trial, forces everyone to painfully dot all the legal i's and cross all the t's despite the fact that Ric Reid's Inquisitor knows immediately it's a done deal. A sad and tragic element, the firefly-like attraction of charismatic figures such as Tony Blair, Bill Clinton, Adolph Hitler and to give him his due, Ayatollah Khomenini, is aptly portrayed by Douglas Hughes, Captain La Hire, who, needing desperately to believe in someone heroic, will gladly follow Joan straight to the gates of hell. And that is precisely how she maintains success in her military manouevers. When the fervent attack mercenaries, the latter are much more inclined to retreat to fight another day, a lesson learned by NATO in Afghanistan and the so-called "coalition of the willing" in Iraq. Government forces in those two "theatres" are notoriously skittish, just as the South Vietnamese were when the U.S. was saving the world (Capitalism) in Southeast Asia. 
The Shaw staging: lighting, sets, costumes and music are all wonderfully coordinated into an either/or, black/white scenario, the dark side represented ably by Blair Williams as the Earl of Warwick who understands that narrow nationalism is equally untenable to both feudal lords like himself and CEO's of Boeing, Lockheed Martin, BAE Systems, Raytheon, Northrop Grunman, General Dynamics, Thomson-CSF and other manufacturers of weapons systems that turn a tidy profit. When Williams crassly employs cash incentives (the lesson of Christ not lost) for the Burgundians to turn in Joan, it's not far removed from Dick Cheney placing a price on Osama bin Laden's head. Jackie Maxwell has capably transformed Saint Joan into modern political commentary, albeit with Shaw's usual share of preachy parts and an over the top Peter Krantz executing an amazing rendition as Chaplain John de Stogumber, a stupid churchman, incapable of any reasoned response, giving way to knee-jerk reactions a la Pat Robertson and the brain-dead cult of the religious right. Krantz is so objectionable, one asks: can anyone really be this dumb, and regretfully, you wish you hadn't asked. The issue of sex causes further pain as one realizes that capable female leaders, whether they hear voices or not, remain held back today by the old boy's club that runs the world. Women are not evolved past the Pleistocene Era as political leaders or parliamentarians and in the Church of Rome, forget it. There, they remain perpetual servants of God, confined to minor roles in nunneries as second-class citizens despite the fact that long suppressed historical leadership roles trickle to the surface, no doubt odious as unpleasant gas to male CEO's and their testosterone-filled ecclesiastical hierarchies that command world religions. It wasn't until 1920 that Joan was canonized. The Church moves slowly if at all. Harry Judge as the Dauphin, later Charles VII plays a superb foil to Joan in the sexual imbalance of leadership. He is a wimp where she is a tiger. He is passive and informed what to do; she is assertive and takes charge. Like George Bush pushed to the front stage of public attention by his family and a coterie of manipulative power brokers far craftier than he, he hasn't the faintest idea of what to do next except complain that he is broke. Here lies Shaw's take on royalty and Divine Right of Kings and one wonders how Shaw foresaw the likes of pathetic Prince Charles and his inability to govern a relationship let alone a country. Mike Keenan writes a weekly newspaper column for the St. Catharines Standard and has been published in the Globe & Mail, Buffalo Spree, Stitches, West of the City and Pulse Magazine. Mike is an award-winning poet and former President of the Canadian Authors Association, Niagara and Vice-President of the national body. He belongs to the North American Travel Journalist Association and the Travel Media Association of Canada. He is editor of the zines, What Travel Writers Say: www.whattravelwriterssay.com and Synapse Magazine: www.synapsemagazine.ca. Photo Credits Courtesy of the Shaw Festival: St. Joan cast, Shaw, Tara Rosling, Jackie Maxwell If you go Shaw Festival: http://www.shawfest.com/ What's happening, money, distance, time? Media Guide: http://www.abyznewslinks.com/ Currency conversion: http://www.xe.com/ucc/ Distance calculator: http://www.indo.com/distance/ Time zone converter: http://www.timezoneconverter.com/ Transportation, visas, health, maps and temperature Airlines (Wikipedia): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_airlines Embassies/Consulates (Embassy World): http://www.embassyworld.com/ Health precautions (WHO): http://www.who.int/ith/en/ Google interactive map: http://maps.google.com/ Temperature (Temperature World): http://www.temperatureworld.com/
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